


Cards Against Alien-ity

by just_plain_fanfics



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Cute Ending, Drunk Shenanigans, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, Inappropriate Humor, Kinda, M/M, Sharing a Bed, They are drunk, how many times have i wrote that trope, hunk is the best, kinda failed tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 03:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11372034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_plain_fanfics/pseuds/just_plain_fanfics
Summary: When Pidge and Lance find a way to get the popular game 'Cards Against Humanity' in space, they as well as Hunk and Keith find some booze and decide to have a night to themselves. As it turns our, for better or worse, drunk Lance is a little too straightforward.





	Cards Against Alien-ity

**Author's Note:**

> this is my attempt at humor,,, i've had this fic sitting unfinished in my drafts for a few months now whoops
> 
> this is kinda based on my friend's drunk texts to me,,, lmao

"Hunk!" Lance comes barreling down the hall into the kitchen. He stops breathless in the doorway, grabbing onto the frame for support. He pauses for a minute when he sees Keith sitting at the bar. "Keith! You're here too! Perfect!"

"Um? Care to tell us what's going on, Lance?" Hunk quirks an eyebrow, shifting from foot to foot nervously. 

"Yeah, what's up?" Keith stares at him with an unreadable expression. Lance grins nonetheless, waving his arms around animatedly.

"Pidge and I made a set of cards." He smirks. "A special set of cards." 

Hunk sighs, covering his face with one hand. Keith looks slightly interested, leaning forwards in his chair. 

"Just hurry up and explain, you idiot." 

"Maybe I won't if you keep being a dick!" Lance huffs and crosses his arms. 

"Whoa, calm down guys." Hunk interrupts them, holding his hands up in defense. Lance sighs.

"Only for you, Hunk. Anyways, we made cards. Cards against humanity cards. Well, against alien-ity since Keith is here." Lance snickers at his own joke. Keith scowls. 

"Oh god, not cards against humanity." Hunk covers his face in fear. "The last time we did that-" He shivers.

"Oh come on! It's be fun! Though alcohol is a very good idea, I'll have to ask Coran about that later." Lance grins.

"Uh, what happened the last time...?" Keith pipes up from the corner, looking more confused than ever. 

"You don't even want to know." Keith huffs at Hunk's reply, but doesn't press further. 

"Anyways! We're all playing tonight, all us kids!" Lance pauses and frowns before explaining. "Shiro said he didn't want any part in it, so it's just us four." Keith snorts. 

"Understandable." 

"Well! I'll see you guys after dinner!" Lance leaves quickly, not waiting for a good bye. He hopes his hard work will pay off and they'll have a lot of fun tonight. Now, to ask Coran about space booze...

The rest of the day passes uneventfully, training as usual followed by some down time. Lance had succeeded in finding an alcoholic beverage and had check with Coran that it is in fact safe for human consumption. After a quick supper, Hunk, Pidge, and Lance settle down in the common room. 

"It seems there one thing missing." Lance jumps up at Pidge's comment, getting ready to leave. 

"I'll go get Keith!" No one stops Lance as he runs out the door and towards the training deck. In moments he's there, throwing open the door and being narrowly missed by a stray swing of a sword. 

"Dude! What the hell are you doing?" Keith looks surprised at his entrance, but quickly commands the training level to end. 

"I could ask you the same! You should know to knock before you enter a training deck!" Lance sticks out his tongue. 

"Whatever. I came here to get you for tonight." Lance holds out his hand as an invitation for Keith to grab.

"I never said I was gonna go." Lance's face falls and Keith sees, quickly following up with a challenge. "What's in it for me?" Lance brightens instantly, cracking his knuckles obnoxiously and grinning like the Cheshire cat. 

"Well, there's booze, a game of cards against humanity you can't say no to, and me!" Lance doesn't see the blush on Keith's face at the last suggestion. 

"Fine, whatever. It's not like I have any important training to do or anything else necessary for saving the universe." Lance chooses to ignore Keith's snark, countering it with his own.

"Right. That does make it a lot easier, doesn't it." Keith goes to protest and it all but dragged along by Lance, all the way back to the others. 

"Crack open that booze 'cause we're here!" Lance poses dramatically as he enters the room, earning a snort from Pidge and a disapproving scowl from Keith. Hunk just got to work on pouring each of them a glass of the strange purple liquid.

Lance is the first to take a sip, a hesitant small one but a sip nonetheless. It tastes strangely of cherries, mixed with something dark and bitter. Lance chokes back a cough. Soon all of them have glasses, Pidge with a watered down version by Shiro's suggestion. 

"Are you guys ready?" Hunk still looks nervous, slightly less so than the morning though. 

"Hell yeah! Let's play!" Lance looks over to Keith.

"Sure, what's the worst that could happen." They all try not to think about the answer to that question, and Pidge deals out the cards. 

"Anyone need a recap as to how to play?" Pidge looks around the room, eyes falling on Keith.

"Uh, I've actually never played before... so yeah." The others hastily fill him in on the rules, Lance taking most of the explaining over.

"And! The person who last took a dump gets to draw the black card!" There are a few awkward murmurs before Lance takes over as the so called 'Card Czar'. He draws the card snickers to himself before clearing his throat.

"I drink to forget..." The other three scramble to choose from their cards, putting the one they've chosen down in front of them. Lance scoops them into a pile, holding them up to read.

"Alright! First: 'I drink to forget... Men.'" There is laughter all around, mostly from Pidge.

"'I drink to forget... Repression.' Um, too real." More laughter.

"Last one: 'I drink to forget... Puberty.'" They all snort, and Pidge says something that sounds like 'same'. 

"Okay! Now, to choose the funniest. I think the puberty one! Who was that?" Hunk puts his hand up, grinning. 

"Mine! My turn to choose, right?" Hunk reaches into the pile and draws out a new card. 

"A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without..." Hunk gives the others a few moments to choose, then grabs the answering cards.

"Here we go! 'A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without... _Yeast._ '" He wrinkles his nose.

"'A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without... Porn stars.'" He sighs, but the others can hear his quiet laughter. 

"And, finally, a romantic, candlelit dinner would not be the same without... Nipple blades?" He says it like a question and Lance and Pidge both laugh and high five. "Well, I think it's safe to say... porn stars win!" Lance groans while Pidge cheers. 

"The class field trip was ruined completely by..." Lance starts laughing hysterically from his spot. Pidge rolls their eyes and starts to read out the answers.

"The class field trip was completely ruined by... Sunshine and rainbows, Barak Obama, My sex life." Pidge laughs, throwing their head back.

"Sunshine and rainbows win! I'm all for that shit!" Once the laughter dies down, they sit in silence, waiting for someone to claim the card. "So, whose is it?"

"Uh, mine." Keith looks uncertain, shifting his sitting position.

"Your turn then! You know what to do, right?" Keith nods and picks up a black card.

"'In Michael Jackson's final moments, he thought about..." The others set out a card in front of him and he picks them up.

"So I'll just, uh. 'In Michael Jackson's final moments, he thought about... A micropenis?" He stumbles over the word a bit and Lance and Pidge crack up into another fit of giggles. Keith ignores them.

"In Michael Jackson's final moments, he thought about... Exactly what you expect.'" Even Keith laughs at that one, a small chuckle escaping his lips. 

"Now... 'In Michael Jackson's final moments, he thought about... The Pope.'" Another round of giggles ensues, and Keith waits for them to finish before continuing. 

"The winner is... Exactly what you'd expect." Pidge cheers while Hunk boos. They pick another card, giggling at whatever it is they see. Pidge, as it turns out and ends up being the same for most of them, is a giggly drunk. The lot of them are barely tipsy, but they've already began to slur their words. 

"Oh, this one'll be fun. 'During sex, I like to think about...'" The others laugh before making their decisions. 

"During sex, I like to think about... The milk man.'" Hunk giggles, muffled a bit by the heavy blanket he's wrapped in.

"During sex, I like to think about... The homosexual agenda.'" Lance and Keith both burst out laughing. They start to giggle again when they catch each others eye, and Pidge shushes them.

"Be quiet, you gays!" Lance feigns hurt.

"Pidge, _how could you?_ I am a beautiful bisexual butterfly! The only gay here is _him!_ " Lane points dramatically at Keith, who beams. Lance coughs and blushes. Damn Keith and his rare but captivating smile.

"Just be quiet! This is the last answer! 'During sex, I like to think about... Public ridicule." Lance grins cheekily.

 _"Ooh, kinky."_ Pidge throws the cards in their hand at him. 

They keep going for a while, barely keeping score enough to know that Pidge is winning. It doesn't take them long to grab refills of their drinks, now quite drunk. It seems the space juice had a different caliber of alcohol content then the one they used back home. 

"S'my turn again!" Lance slurs, grabbing for another card.

"'What's a girl's best friend?'" Pidge mumbles something inaudible and dissolves into a fit of laughter. Lance ignores them and barely manages to grab onto the cards without spilling his drink everywhere. 

"A death ray!" Lance giggles, bumping into Keith. Instead of moving right away, he leans into him further, using him as support. 

"A sausage festival!" Pidge cackles and Hunk snickers from under his mound of blankets. 

"Last one! Hot Pockets!" 

"Me too!" Hunk's reply only makes them all laugh harder.

"The winner 's whomever said a sausage festival!" Pidge leaps at him with a shriek and grabs the card. They all fall to the floor, Lance ending up on top of Keith. Keith is flushed a light pink colour, from both the alcohol and the close proximity. Pidge crawls out of the pile to wrap themselves back up in a blanket, leaving the two boys to stay sprawled out on the floor. Within minutes snoring is heard from their general direction. 

"Get up you lazy asshole." Keith groans under Lance's weight. 

"I'm not lazy! Jus' tired." Lance yawns as if to prove a point, the collapses back onto Keith. 

When it's Keith's turn he reads the black card and starts giggling uncontrollably. His laughter only makes Lance giggle, and he falls onto Keith's shoulder. Keith doesn't seem to mind, struggling to get his laughter under control so he can read out the card. 

"This- hic- this is 'Why am I sticky?'" He giggles again, hiccuping as he tries to sit up straighter. Hunk snickers too, but no one can tell if it's at Keith or the card.

"Aaaaaand the answers are: 'sexual tension," Lance swears he sees Keith's eyes flick over to him. "and 'lumberjack fantasies'." Hunk falls over with laughter, and Lance snickers into Keith's shoulder. There's only two cards to choose from, due to Pidge having already passed out, but that only adds to the tension between those that are playing this round. 

"Lumberjack fantasies win!" Keith slurs, and Hunk whoops with laughter. 

"Alright guys, I think we're done. Also, I totally won." Hunk, the least drunk of them all, stands up and smirks with a smug look on his face. He grabs a sleeping Pidge, hoisting them up and into his arms. "I'm taking Pidge back to bed. You guys should go to bed soon too." 

"That's what I've been telling him!" Keith complains. He's not as drunk as Lance, still having a bit of common sense left. "I'll take him to his room." Hunk lets out a breath, looking relieved.

"Don't do anything stupid!" Hunk leaves before Keith can ask what he means by that. He turns to Lance, pushing him onto his back. 

"C'mon. 'S time for bed." Keith stands, dragging Lance with him. Lance instinctively grabs onto him, wrapping his arms around Keith's middle, demanding to be carried. With a sigh, Keith lifts him up and Lance wraps his legs around Keith two, clinging to him like a koala. Like that, they begin to walk to Lance's room. Keith just hopes no one sees them.

"Oye, Keith." Keith hums. He can feel Lance's breath on the side of his neck and it tickles. It's hot too. Why does Keith feel so hot? Lance whispers something, but Keith doesn't quite hear it.

"Lance? Sorry, what was that? You need to speak up." Lance huffs irritably, and the hot air on Keith's neck makes him shiver. 

_"Besame."_ Spanish? Keith doesn't know enough Spanish to know what Lance is saying.

"Okay? I don't know what that means, Lance." Lance sighs again, pushing himself away from Keith slightly. 

_"Besame."_ He sounds insistent, so Keith stops in front of his room to look at Lance. 

He shouldn't have looked. Lance is flushed, a beautiful maroon colour gracing his brown skin. His eyes are half lidded, with either fatigue or lust. Keith finds himself hoping it's the latter. 

Keith also finds himself with another pair of lips on his own. He's hesitant to kiss back at first, but he soon finds himself melting into the kiss. At some point, it deepens, and he's got Lance pressed against the wall. The voices in his head are screaming at him to stop, but he just can't. 

Eventually, he pulls away, leaving at panting Lance clinging onto him for dear life. 

"Oh god, I-I'm sorry. Lance, I-I need to put you down. You need to go to your own room."

 _"¡No!"_ Keith jumps a bit at Lance's loud outburst. _"'M staying. Aquí..."_ Lance mumbles some other things in Spanish that Keith can't understand, but it's enough for Keith to know that Lance won't be letting go anytime soon. With a sigh, he opens his door and steps inside. 

He sets Lance down on the bed and pulls the covers over him. 

_"No..."_ Lance cracks open an eye and pulls at Keith's sleeve when he tries to move away. _"Por favor... no te vayas."_ He looks so hopeful it would be cruel for Keith to leave now. So, he slips in next to Lance, snuggling in under the blanket. 

Lance mumbles something else, but Keith can't tell what it is. Soon enough, he's drifting off into a sound slumber. 

 

The next morning, Keith is woken up by a shifting on the mattress next to him, and he opens his eyes in the dark room. He has a blinding headache, but he tries to ignore it in favour of peering at the snoozing boy next to him.

Things are coming back to him slowly, but he remembers enough about last night to know why Lance is in his bed. Keith looks a bit closer at Lance, chuckling softly to himself at the tiny string of drool by the corner of his mouth. He looks so soft, so peaceful. So, this is what Lance looks like with his guard down. Keith can't help but reach out a hand to brush away a stray strand of hair from Lance's face, heart racing as his gaze travels over his lips. He remembers last night, how it felt to kiss those lips, and how much he wants to do it again. 

Instead of kissing him, Keith strokes Lance's cheek, marveling at the smoothness of it. Lance's lashes flutter, and Keith nervously draws back his hand.

"Mmph, Keith?" Lance squints, Keith thinks he must have a bit of a headache from the way he winces at his own voice. 

"Good morning to you too." He keeps his voice low, still laying merely inches away from Lance.

"Wha- _oh god what happened last night?!"_ Lance looks startled, his eyes going wide with a mix of realization and fear. 

"You don't remember?" Keith sounds more amused than hurt, he kind of anticipated this.

"Not really. Is there something I should remember?" Keith knows what he's insinuating, and for a brief moment considers messing with Lance a bit. He decides against it, he's not cruel enough to play with Lance's emotions like that. Well, not entirely. 

"Hm, not really. Besides making out with me, that is." He tries to feign nonchalance, looking away and speaking in a bored tone, but he can't keep the slight amusement out of his voice. Keith can feel Lance stiffen beside him, and when he looks back over the boy's face is flushed a brilliant pink, as if he's still slightly tipsy. 

"I- _what?"_ Lance voice breaks, and Keith almost feels bad. Almost.

"Yeah, you said some things too. You wanna explain what _'besame' means?"_ Lance groans slightly, covering his face with one hand and shuffling further under the blankets. Keith has to stifle a laugh, Lance looks so ridiculously cute trying to hide like that. 

_"Kiss me."_ Lance barely mutters it, but Keith does a double take all the same.

"Wh-what?" 

"That's what it means. Kiss me." Keith can hear the smirk in Lance's voice, and scowls. 

"Oh, so that's what you said last night. You didn't even wait for a reply, though." Keith is the one smirking now, Lance still hiding his red face in his hands.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." Lance sounds sad now, regretful. Keith's heart squeezes a bit.

"I'll forgive you." Lance looks up a bit, attention successfully caught. " _If_ you tell me why you did it." Lance's hopeful face falls, replaced by something between fear and uncertainty. 

"Fine. But don't blame me if you hate me after." Lance huffs, crossing his arms the best he can while he lays on his side. 

_I could never hate you,_ Keith thinks, but he doesn't say it. Instead, he waits patiently for Lance to continue. 

"I like you." Keith expected it, but hearing the words out loud is completely different. His heart speeds up, and his hands start sweating as he reaches out to cup Lance's face. " _K-Keith?_ What are you doing?" 

Keith shushes him, barely thinking as he leans forward and pushes their lips together. Lance doesn't move at first, and Keith wonders if he's made a mistake. Then Lance is angling his lips better, moving them against Keith's in a way that makes them both want more. 

They pull away gasping, both with very flushed faces. 

"I like you too." Keith smiles and Lance gives a breathy laugh. He wraps his arms around Keith's neck, pulling them so they're face to face, even closer than before. 

_"God, I think I could fall in love with you."_ Keith smiles and kisses Lance's cheek. 

_"I think I already am."_ Lance blushes again for what must be the hundredth time this morning, and he buries his face in Keith's neck. Keith kisses the side of his head once before pulling back and dropping down slightly so he's next to Lance's ear.

"Next game night we're playing strip poker." Keith's breath tickles Lance's ear, and he smirks.

"That excited to see me undressed?" Lance taunts as Keith kisses near Lance's ear, travelling closer to his jaw. 

"Maybe, but then again, I wasn't the one who kissed me out of nowhere last night. You sounded pretty desperate, you know." That might have been a slight exaggeration, but what does it matter? Keith hears Lance groan.

"You're never gonna let that go, are you?"

"Nope. I need something to hold over your head." Lance sighs, hands still idly playing with Keith's hair. 

"Whatever, just kiss me." Keith chuckles but doesn't refuse, bending down to press their lips together. 

"Oh yeah, who ended up winning?" Keith chuckles, of course Lance would still care about that.

"Actually, Hunk did." 

Lance laughs and rolls his eyes. "Of course he did. He did last time too, back at the garrison."

"I wouldn't have expected it. He must have good luck." Keith smiles, chuckling softly. 

"Yeah, something like that. D'you wanna hear about the time at the garrison?" 

"Sure, since you lost and all." Lance huffs at that, but keeps talking all the same.

"Well it was our first time playing, and Pidge had to go and use the 'sad handjob' card, which of course, led to some great times. But what _really_ made it great was when Hunk whipped out the 'Nicholas Cage card' in response to..."

**Author's Note:**

> i hope y'all enjoyed this,,,


End file.
